||[Aug. 31st, 2004|05:30 pm]
THE FIST OF CONFUSION
Bigtime mood swings. Yesterday I get home and... well, let me cast this in the form of a play.|
ENTER Colin, stage left, carrying bicycle.
ENTER mean-ass LITTLE GIRL, stage right, sucking her teeth.
LITTLE GIRL: Watch out for the step, there's doo doo.
COLIN: What? Doo doo? Okay.
Meet cute, right? So, yesterday afternoon I am sort of scootching through all this fucked up traffic--the RNC traffic actually is not too bad, but all the drivers are very confused, sort of cowpunched--I'm scooching left to right, and bump tires with this girl who's scootching right to left. She's adorable. She's got these long brown legs, thick dark hair in braids and she's smiling and maybe maaaaybe 24:
(familiar, as if meeting an old pal at a prearranged place.)
GIRL: (laughs) Hello.
COLIN: Please, go ahead.
GIRL: No, you go. I'll follow you.
So she follows me out of the little taxi maze. I'm ahead of her for a while, then at one point I end up behind her. At one point I'm alongside her. Then our paths split and it occurs to me, Colin, you fucking dope! But I was, I dunno, working and I'm working on burning my bridges here. I want to. So really, whatever. But I wake up this morning in such a funk. It's the being angry. I can't sustain it at all. There's something wrong with my anger pump, like maybe a blown gasket. I get some good anger pressure and then woosh, it's gone and I'm totally demoralized. So I'm dragging my ass all day. The sun comes out and I feel a little better but still, I can't fucking stand myself. I find myself like to a bad oyster.
Yesterday morning I am riding up Washington street and I see this little old blockheaded man getting on a super-expensive titanium bicycle, like something the Terminator would extrude from his belly metal, and he looks up at me with that caught-celebrity look and it's Lou Reed. I don't has hi! I don't say, hey, we have the same birthday! what I do comes spontaneously from the depths of my punk-ass New York Reedness: I sneer. I sneered at Lou Reed. A fucking titanium bike! Gonna ride that uptown to score some smack, you old freak?